Election years, and especially the months surrounding an election, are interesting for therapists. First of all, we are human and we have to manage our own stress regarding the election, but we also need to put ourselves aside to create space in the therapy room and tend to our clients who are bringing their own fears, frustrations, pain, and relationship difficulties to the room.
While I have my personal opinions and voting preferences, I utilize the skills acquired as a therapist to set aside my own biases. This enables me to empathize, show compassion, and provide care to all my clients, irrespective of their political beliefs or voting choices. Each individual has a unique journey that has led them to their current standpoint. As therapists, it is our responsibility to delve into the factors influencing a person's life and assist them in comprehending the influences affecting them. This empowers individuals to lead purposeful, growth-focused, genuine, and compassionate lives.
I am always struck by the hateful and hurtful things that each political side says about the other. These opinions are the source of much of the stress we may be currently experiencing. and it occurred to me that if people could think like a therapist, maybe some of that intensity could be diminished and compassion and curiousity could take it's place.
First of all, a therapist realizes that people are different, their values are shaped by any number of things, the messages they surround themselves with, past experiences, their own current hurts and their fears and concerns for the future. We recognise that all behavior serves a purpose, whether we understand it or not. We get curious about that rather than jump to conclusions. We ask questions not in an interrogative way but it a way that helps people feel safe and heard, We want to know their concerns because we care about them, want to understand them and we want to help them navigate the challenges in life.
Therapists view the world in shades of gray, not black and white. They understand differing opinions as competing needs or values, not as "good vs. bad" or "right vs. wrong." Like a tightrope walker seeking balance, therapists suspend judgment, explore nuances, and practice dialectical thinking to understand both sides.
Therapists see the individual as a person of high worth and value. Carl Rogers calls it Unconditional Positive Regard. Christians would say seeing each person's high worth and value by the virtue of being made in the image of God. As a therapist and a Christian I think those two ways of looking at things are very similar. It is simply by being human that makes each person valuable regardless of their political beliefs. When we approach our fellow humans from this perspective, we develop a high level of respect for them and it is hard to have those intense feelings of anger or even hate. We can disagree but not disregard a person's humanity or worth. We can lack understanding but that should invite our curiosity not contempt. Our curiosity can not only help us understand our clients but help them understand themselves. And therapists have made that skill of high importance.
Therapists know the difference between agreement and acceptance. Acceptance is allowing others to be different even if we don't agree. It is making the relationship more important than the differences. and giving individuals the right to have their own thoughts, opinions and choices without trying to make them change. However, because they are usually coming to see us because they want something to change, we use our dialectical skills as therapists as we hold onto unconditional acceptance as well as encouragement to our clients to make changes they want to make. Two seemingly competing values but both necessary in the work of therapy.
Therapists stay in their own sphere of control - We realize that we cannot work harder than our clients in helping them make changes. So we offer suggestions, insights, and ideas, but we don't get upset if people don't take those things and run with them. We, again, get curious. We realize we can be wrong regarding what would be beneficial to others, and we are not afraid to be wrong; it helps us learn to understand ourselves and others better. We also realize that change is complex and sometimes people need to be ready for it. Sometimes other things need to be in place, such as safety or support before change can happen. So we don't get frustrated when our clients don't embrace what we have to offer. Respecting others involves respecting and accepting their choices. But we do remain curious and patient, as we assess the obstacles to growth.
If we, as a nation, can better adopt these skills: curiosity, acceptance, unconditional positive regard, patience, compassion, and seeking to understand, admitting when we are wrong, and valuing relationships over being right, embracing the nuances of our differences, and the complexities that go into making each individual unique, we are in a better position to start healing our nation, one relationship at a time.
This has been a post for the FMF community. A community that writes for 5 minutes on. a given prompt each week.
.
I fought in the world's armpit
where monsters killed for creed and fun,
and when I got around to it,
when each day was dead and done
I wondered if beneath the scales
and the sulfurous demon-breath
still remained kind childhood tales,
a grace that yet transcended death.
The choices were not mine to make,
there was a job to do,
but please, my friend, make no mistake,
I hoped they could be human, too,
though what I saw in that fell time
made me doubt the paradigm.