Updated: Mar 14
The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. Proverbs 20:5
Wherever you go, there you are
We say this sometimes when people believe that a change in location, job or partner will make everything better.
And while change can sometimes be necessary, many times people discount what it is they bring to the equation that contributes to the difficulty in their life.
This is closely tied to We can’t know what we don’t know. So until we recognize our own patterns and coping skills we often find ourselves dealing with the same relationship difficulties, coping with stress in the same way and leaning on the same vices.
I often will say to my client, these difficult people in your life are like characters in a script. They crop up over and over through out the various scenes of your life, and until you recognize your own role, patterns will tend to repeat themselves with these characters who have different names and faces but strangly similar dynamics with the original relationship where it all started.
That’s not to put blame on anyone in any difficult relationship for the problems in the relationship. But we do provide our own personalities for these characters that appear in our life to respond to. So this phrase does not hold a blaming stance, if anything it’s an empowering stance. One that implies that if you can get to know what it is that you bring to a situation or relationship you can work to change that. You are tne only thing really that you can change.
Getting to know our own personal challenges is like understanding that anchor that lies deep below the surface in your life, the one you can’t see but the one that prevents you from moving much beyond it. It’s the anchor you continue to circle around, even as you go through life changing jobs, relationships, locations. Become brave enough to pull it up, examine it, understand it and perhaps disentangle yourself from the power it holds to keep you stuck. Enlist in the help of a supportive other to help you see what may be keeping you stuck. Until you do, you may find that wherever you go… there you will be with the same set of issues you had from the place you came.
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